Takin' a few days off!

Hey! My daughter and I both have strep throat, so I'm taking a few days off! Catch up with ya next week!

More before and after shots....Hollywood style!

Miley Cyrus, that gloriously annoying Disney starlet is putting together a deal to write her memoirs. SHE'S 15! Let me say that again.....15!! Who the hell writes a memoir at 15??? She doesn't know anything.....hasn't done anything.....or has she?

This seems eerily similar to what I'm sure was at the top of the New York Times best seller list in 2000....Britney and Lynne Spear's book Heart to Heart.

Miley should take a lesson from Brit-Brit. Writing a memoir at an obscenely young age can lead to bi-polar disorder, ADHD, not wearing panties (especially when you know you'll be getting out of a car in front of the paparazzi), shaving-of-the-head, thoughts of torn fish net stockings looking somehow classier when worn as a matching set with Paris Hilton, beating a car with a bat and of course, being committed to the motherf**g loony bin!!!!!

Let's take a look at some before and after photos, shall we? A little trip down memory lane, if you will of what happens after a starlet writes her memoirs about how much she loves, admires and cares for (read: pays for) her family.

Daddy's little girl.....

I'm sure Billy Ray is proud of this photo! If she's smart enough to write her memoirs, perhaps she could figure out that risque photos of a celebrity WILL BE SOLD TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER AND PUT ON THE INTERNET.

She seems to be following in the footsteps of my favorite HOT MESS, Ms. Britney Spears.

So sweet and innocent with such a bright future ahead of her! Cut to.......

A train wreck unleashed in what appears to be a grocery store ("I'm Mrs. most likely to get on the TV for slipping on the streets while getting the grosheries, now for real, are you kidding me?").

Take my advice Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana or whatever the hell your name is: back away from the memoir or you could end up superseding Brit as the worlds biggest head case!

Now what am I going to do on Sunday nights?

It's over.

I can't believe it!

But what an amazing ride it was leading up to the Rock of Love II finale! Last night was the completely over-the-top, chicks cat-fighting, Peyton singing, Bret crying reunion show. Check it:

video.vh1.com

I'm not one to condone violence (unless it's as HAWT as this), but the cat fight between Daisy and Heather was GLORIOUS! Read their post-show interviews here and here.

I love that Bret found his Rock of Love in Ambre, but it makes me so sad that there won't be a Rock of Love III. They looked genuinely lovey-dovey-cutsie last night and in my opinion, she was definitely the best choice (especially since the other candidates seemed so freakin' crazy and not in a good way). So, best of luck you crazy kids. I hope it works out for you and brings you so close together that you'll need to do a Rock of Love III to find your 3-some partner so I have something interesting to watch on Sunday nights (but I don't mean that in a selfish way, at all)!

Hey-OH!

BTW: VH1 replaced this show with some stupid Celebrity Magic show who's tag line is, "Now go Mag-ish." WTF is that, besides completely gay???

There's the pot calling the kettle black!

I had a very interesting discussion yesterday with my friend Cindy about my Girl Scout Troop volunteering at the Relay For Life last night.....and it goes a 'lil somethin' like this:



C: "Who all's going tonight?"





J: "There'll be 6 of us. A few girls aren't able to make it."





C: "Is M going to make it?"





J: "No, and between us I am very frustrated that her parents can't seem to keep up with our schedule. Why be in GS if you don't participate in any of our service projects? Plus, we're constantly having to call and remind them of meetings. It drives me crazy! I have a very low tolerance for adults who need to be babysat."





C: Silence





J: "Hello?"





C: "OK, and what I do for you at Willhoite's Every.Friday.Night wouldn't be considered babysitting in your book?"





J: ....."Touche, my darling....touche! For the record, I don't like to babysit, but I don't mind being babysat. There is a difference."



C: "Tell me about it!"

A trip down memory lane....

Yesterday I had the pleasure of seeing a regular commenter on this blog....she also happens to be someone I went to 8th and 9th grade with many, many, many (OK, I'm dating myself here) years ago. We met for lunch while she was on a lay-over at DFW airport on her way to Cabo (jealous) for a weekend.

After not seeing each other for 23 years, we had a lot to chat about....kids, careers, husbands, divorces, etc. We of course did this chatting over Bloody Mary's that we snuck into the restaurant. You can take the girl out of the high school, but you can't take the high school out of the girl!

Happy Birthday, Bud!

Remember Rudy Huxtable on the Cosby Show? One of my favorite lines of hers was when she said her friends name, "Buuuud." That's what runs through my head when I think of my friend Bud.

Last weekend we celebrated his 40th birthday at Bob's Steak & Chop House. I had never eaten there before, and let me just say, for the record, my steak was one of the best pieces of meat I've ever had in my mouth (ha! ha!)!!

Before dinner we enjoyed cocktails at the fireside bar on the uber-plush leather sofas. Here's Bud using a torch to light up the obligatory birthday cigar:

Ahhh, success! Notice Bud even wore his "grill" to dinner!

The 4 of us at cocktail hour!

Before sat down to eat our beautiful meal and were joined by some of Bud and Amy's neighbors Tony and Rosaria. Aren't we a gorgeous group??

About halfway through the meal, Amy noticed that Jason Garrett*, the Dallas Cowboy's Offensive Coordinator was sitting at the table right behind us. She is a huge fan, so Eric insisted on snapping this picture of them. Doesn't look like he minds a pretty fan interrupting his dinner one bit!

We had a great time celebrating your birthday, Bud! Thanks for including us in your special day and for being a great friend!

*And then there is Jason, who grew up to play for the Cowboys and returned this season as offensive coordinator. At 41, he's the red-headed, freckle-faced wunderkind whom network television cameras lovingly dote upon along the sideline. There is Jason mouthing plays into a headset, talking on the bench with Tony Romo or patting Terrell Owens on the shoulder after yet another touchdown.

Despite having coached only three years, Jason appears destined to be the first in the family to ascend to the pinnacle – head coach in the NFL.

Fox analyst Troy Aikman practically guaranteed Sunday to a national audience that it would happen before the start of next season. CBS analyst Phil Simms, who will work today's Cowboys-New York Jets game at Texas Stadium, was already filing away Jason Garrett stories last week. - source: Wikipedia

It wasn't like this in my day!

Not to sound like my mother, but times sure have changed. I found this on http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351171,00.html and as a mother of a 10-year-old girl, was very disturbed by it!

I purchased my first cell phone when I was 23 and thought I was the shiz nay with that bad boy (which now looks like a dinosaur compared to the cell phones we have now). And I remember my Dad having the old bag phone that was strictly for the car, but never in my wildest dreams did I think that kids would be talking on cell phones. This whole trend is ridiculous. My daughter has been begging for one for two years. There's no way in hell I'm getting my sweet, little chatter box a phone.....and not just because I'd be scared to death to open the bill every month, but if the new trend is for girls to send naked pics to potential suitors my poor gorgeous beauty is never going to get a phone!


This is what life would be like if my little one had her own cell phone!

I know, I know some kids actually need their phones so Mom knows when to pick them up from sports/after school activities, and that's totally understandable, but when kids start sending naked photos of themselves as a way of "flirting" somethings wrong.

What happened to cruising the mall and sneaking cigarettes in the loading dock? Can you imagine what our high school experience would have been like if we could have instantly communicated with our friends? Let me know in the comment section what you think would have been different if we had cell phones back in the day.....

Happy Blog-iversary, House of Jules!

To the blog that inspired mine, I would like to give a "special shout out" to celebrate a milestone: House of Jules turns 1 today!

Read the blog-iversary post here.

House of Jules, we've been friends for 23+ years (and you still put up with me)! You're not only an amazing person with a steel-trap memory, humor to spare and a heart of gold, but you're also the classiest, sassiest broad I know! I cherish our friendship, our memories, our laughs, our dirty talk, our silliness, our no-holds-barred commentary, but most of all.....I cherish you!

Here's to many, many more years of good bloggin'....

Is it me, or does this remind you of a scene in Borat?

I was perusing my home page when I found a very strange article titled: "Sauna on a Roll..."

Naturally, my curiosity was piqued.

It seems Russian Men have a lot of extra time on their hands now that communism is bust. Ahh, the riches of capitalism!!

Worst wreck in Nascar history????

We were at the track Friday night for Sprint Cup Qualifying, drinking beer (because that's the only thing you're allowed to drink as an official NASCAR redneck) when one of the Thunder Roadster Drivers came running toward our toter-home hollerin' about a horrible wreck.

A photo of our toter! We call her Oprah....can you guess why?

Michael McDowell, the rookie 00 driver, hit the wall at turn one at approximately 185mph.

This post-wreck interview shows the accident at 1:17. You have to see it to believe it!

I can not believe this guy walked away. A true testament to the new Car of Tomorrow (Today). Folks complain that the action isn't as exciting with the new cars, but when you consider that Michael McDowell hit that wall as hard as he did, and flipped so many times....a little less action is a good thing.

We actually took our golf cart to the infield to check out the post-wreck action. It took officials 2 hours to patch the wall at turn one just to continue qualifying other drivers. They were up all night trying to repair it for the races the next day.

The crowd, although small because it was qualifying and not an actual race, was completely silent. It was eerie....and definitely the first time I've been to the infield at Texas Motor Speedway and heard nothing but silence. Being in the racing business, I was pretty quiet myself.

People in the racing business always joke, "if it can't kill ya, it ain't a sport," but seeing something like this wreck gave me a whole new respect for NASCAR's new safety rules and track regulations. I won't be complaining anymore!

I'll be gettin' my redneck on...

It's NASCAR weekend here in Texas and I'll be at Texas Motor Speedway all weekend, getting my redneck on! Look for lots of fun posts next week on my racing adventures!

More things that make you go bwhahahahaha

A friend sent me a link to a blog about one of our favorite shows: Rock of Love II. I started reading through the comments at the bottom of the page and this was one of the profile pictures! Brilliantly funny! My question is: how did they get the nose there...oh never mind. I don't want to know!