I didn't think it would be this difficult...

Today is a very special day. It's also a day I wish would END, but it just keeps draggin on and on....almost taunting my psyche. Why can't midnight just get here already?

Maybe you remember reading THIS POST about one of the most horrendous, yet beautiful days of my life? Well, today would have been Nanny's 91st birthday.

I spent yesterday afternoon with her younger sister, Ann who is in the throws of Alzheimer's. She saw a picture of sweet Nanny in my study and got teary-eyed. It felt like a dagger through my heart to see her get upset.

Then, when I woke up this morning it was like I automatically had this lump in my throat. It took me a few seconds to realize why it was there.....and then I remembered. Nanny's birthday.

I'm working a temp job, so I'm trying to do my best to be the diligent little worker bee at the office, but when I was getting my coffee this morning that lump in my throat was still there.

Looking out the window from my office, I watched the rain falling....trying so hard not to get emotional. Then, I just couldn't do it anymore, but I couldn't cry at a new job. So, I did what I've learned to do so well over the years....I swallowed it.

I got home this afternoon and updated my facebook status to reflect my sadness. Julie responded with a few simple words, "Happy Birthday, Gorgeous!" Then, my tears fell. I saw my nickname for her in writing (Gorgeous) and I just couldn't help it, but needed it at the same time.

I miss you so much, Nanny. I know you're where you want to be....dancing on a cloud with PawPaw, but Lady, I can not express how deeply I've felt your absence in my life. You were the most positive, inspirational, God-fearing woman I have ever met.

My tears fall because I miss you, and I'm so thankful and grateful that you were a part of my life.

Thank you, Nanny and Happy Birthday!!

My girl....

My kids know that I'm not down with store bought cards or useless birthday gifts. I prefer the homemade stuff that I can keep forever as a reminder of their sweet innocence (and refer back to them when their teenagers and hate me for no reason)!

For my birthday present this year my sweet daughter wrote me a letter. It brought tears to my eyes to watch my 10-year-old express her feelings as she recited the letter in front of my mom, my son and me.

I'm typing the letter here because I'm so proud of her (and because it's so cute to see all her mis-spellings....if you know my girl, you know spelling is NOT her strong suit)!

Dear Mom,

I love you sooo much. you are the Best Mom in the world. I know we get in fights But I love you no matter what.

When I am sic you are thare for me.

When I have any troubles like school you are still by my side incoruging me all the way to the top. even if i get an F :( you are still thare for me by my side. You will never giv up on me.

I have relized that when you punish me you are trying to teach me for the big world ahead of me. like when you cut my (cell) phone off you were trying to teach me responsability.

I am the luckies kid on the eirth. I have ben through some life lerning experenses with everything that has hapened this year.

Lastly I just want to say I LOVE YOU
YOU ROCH EGGS
LOVE,
(insert my kids name here)

Now THAT is the best present I could EVER receive! My cup runneth over.....

Double Digits, baby!

Singing in the choir (and looking adorable)! Notice the Texas "tattoo" on her cheek!

I know I promised that my next post would be about my evening with The King, however I'm still working on that post and today is a very, very special day! I could not let it pass without paying tribute to one of the most amazing creatures on the planet......my daughter!

With her BFF (who's 10th birthday is tomorrow) in Atlanta this summer!

At 4:23 this afternoon, she turns 10! Double digits, baby! She's grown up so fast and is so full of personality (which, of course she gets from her mother)! I remember the first time I held her (after the nurses got all the goo off of her) and I just stared in amazement at this tiny little human being that I created. OK, yes I had a little help on the creation front, but to be fair...I had to carry her around for 9 months during the hottest summer on record in Atlanta, GA so I get a little more cred than the Mr.

Showing off her "new" braces!

She was beautiful then and still is today! I grew up wanting nothing more than to be a Mommy, so that first moment holding her was magical. I was speechless, which is a rare occurrence. Realizing a life-long dream is breathtaking. I helped God create a miracle and I still and will always feel she is a miracle. She was my first Dream Come True (the second followed 4 years later).

Dude, Santa brought her a scooter.....cool!

Today she is a little spit-fire with an advanced (read: sarcastic) sense of humor and more personality than she knows what to do with! I can only imagine what her future holds, but whatever life brings her way she will always be my little baby girl!

A self-portrait

Happy Birthday to my "dream come true, my one and only YOU!"

It's 5:00 somewhere, says the little boy....

I think I'm becoming more cynical as I age. Of course, maybe I'm just PMS-ing and in a shitty mood. Yeah, that's probably it!

My kids got home today after being gone for a week with the in-laws. They had a great time playing on Galveston Beach, meeting new friends and living in an RV (which for my 6 year old son is about as cool as you can possibly get) but at dinner tonight my son looks at Hubby's drink and says, "Is that a beer?"

Hubby: (ever the honest one) "No, it's a Jack & Coke."

Son: "Oh, well 'cause Grandaddy said that at 5:00 it's beer time, so I figured since we were having dinner it was after 5 and you should be drinking a beer. What's Jack & Coke?"

Hubby: "Well, it's like a beer, but it's not."

WHAT????

First of all, my 6 year old thinks that 5:00pm is beer time (which is fine if you're my age, but at 6 it seems a little disturbing).

Secondly, why the hell does Hubby need to drink a Jack & Coke at dinner? He hasn't been around the kids in almost two weeks, as he was gone before they left for the beach and we have them back for a few hours and he's ordering hard liquor for dinner? They're not that bad....

Thirdly, my 6 year old knows the term, "Jack & Coke" now.

I wonder if his 529 College Savings Plan will work at The Betty Ford Center?

Oh yeah, Happy Father's Day......

Dad's Day

Unless you've been living under a rock, you know that Sunday is Father's Day. I guess we're supposed to honor the men (who's sperm got lucky enough to find it's way to the egg) who worked and sacrificed to raise us.

Blech!

Can you tell I'm not very close to my sperm donor? Asshole and I haven't spoken in a really, really long time. Not that I have any pent-up anger about it or anything.

One of the last phone conversations we had was when I called him to tell him my brother's wife was in labor and delivery and very close to having their first child. I was excited to be an Auntie, but especially excited because she went into labor on my birthday. My nephew and I were going to be birthday buds, but only if she hurried up and squeezed him out before midnight. So, I did what any girl who's been constantly ignored by her father, but found an excuse to call in hopes he'd have some kind of recollection of my wonderfulness does.....call Daddy.

STUPID.

I was telling him my theory on having a birthday bud and he says to me, "what are you talking about?"

Me: "Uh, Dad....today is my birthday, too."

Him: "Oh."

That's it....no Happy Birthday, dear, wonderful daughter 'o mine.

So, to honor the Asshole that is my father, I present his Dad's Day Card for the world to read:

Amazing....

The most amazing thing happened to me as I watched a wonderful woman die.....

OK, so who would volunteer to care for someone while they died? Right?

Yes, I'm one of the two that can take off whenever I want. Yes, I can be there in a heartbeat and be happy to do it. blah....blah....blah....

Let me inform you....I've had two children and I would have sworn that they were the most miraculous things that ever happened to me....Until I saw God take someone to heaven.

It was amazing. beautiful. peaceful.

All of us were surrounding her bed. Finally we had brought her home to die on her terms. She wouldn't have had it any other way.

Oh, Nanny.....GORGEOUS (that was my nic-name for her) watch over me, my husband and my children. Keep us safe, keep us remembering your spirit, keep us in God's light, help us remember that there is another world we can be a part of if we just believe.

And I believe.............

Calling all good vibes....

Nanny (my hubby's grandmother, and an amazing woman who I consider to be my grandmother) had a stroke. She's 90 and is struggling. When most people put out a good vibes request, it's usually the "get well" kind. This is a little different.



Nanny wants to pass on. We've had countless conversations about how she thinks God has forgotten her. She wants to be with her husband and daughter who died of cancer when she was 6. These conversations have always made me feel a little queasy, but now I understand.



Selfishly, of course I want her to be here forever. I know that's not possible. Death is a part of life. Now, she's in pain and is struggling, so I want her to be where she will be happy and peaceful. I want God to take her. I can not believe I just wrote that for everyone to see because it's so hard to admit, but it's true. The last thing I want is for her to lose her dignity or to suffer for even a moment, but that's what she's doing now and I hate it.



So, please my blogger friends.....pray/meditate or whatever you do that Nanny will be with her husband and daughter again soon, and that we, as her family, will be strong enough to let her go.

6 years goes by in the blink of an eye!

Gimme some love!

My boy turns 6 today! I just can't believe that the little baby I held in my arms not too long ago is 6 today! Time goes by waaaaay too fast!

He's an amazing boy! Smart, charming, athletic, adorable, full of love and charm (he gets all these traits from his mother)!! I am so blessed to have him as my son and am still amazed every day when I look at him and think to myself, "I made that." Children are a miracle!

Two of his favorite things: riding his "motorcycle" and playing soccer!







Camping this spring. Lovin' on his mama!

Happy Birthday, Buddy! I love you with all my heart......

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Would someone please explain to me why it's easier for some folks to take family members for granted than people we've known for a short time? Don't give me that, "they're your family and know you'll love them no matter what" crap, either! I don't buy that for a second.


Seriously......why is it easier to be an asshole to someone you "love" than someone you you barely know? Do we try to look better to new people because we've accepted that the family member knows our flaws?


And, really if we have flaws shouldn't we try to work on them instead of embracing them? Doesn't Oprah or Maya Angelou or some freakin' 21st century guru always say, "when you know better, you do better?" Yeah, I call bull shit on that statement!


I need to go out and buy a punching bag today!

Update: I realized while getting ready for a business dinner that I've managed to lose a clothing size, so a punching bag will no longer be necessary (for today, anyway)!

2nd Update: NEVER bring your kids to a business dinner, even if the dinner is with your ex-brother-in-law and he insists!!

Spring Break 2008!

We decided to do something a little different this year for Spring Break. Normally, we're beach people. I thought about a cruise, possibly heading south to Galveston and staying in a condo on the beach, but my son had his first camping trip several weeks ago with friends and was so excited about it that my daughter and I thought it would be fun to spend time out in the wilderness enjoying some serious camp time. She is a devoted Girl Scout, by the way and is pretty good at the whole camping thing, which if you knew my girly-girl daughter would surprise you.

We decided to venture to Possum Kingdom Lake about 90 miles west of our home and rented a cabin for 5 days in the State Park (I wasn't about to spend 5 days in a tent with my kids. I love them, but I have my limits)!

We arrived on Sunday afternoon, unloaded our stuff and ventured outside to explore, meet some new folks, play some games, climb trees and have some fun!




Day two began with a hike through the Palo Pinto Mountains. GORGEOUS! We hiked for TWO HOURS and neither of my kids complained once (miracle)!! They had a ball collecting rocks, searching for arrowheads and dinosaur footprints and hoping we didn't run in to any bobcats.




Once we got back to the cabin after our long hike, Mommy was a little tired and took a nap, but my kids kept on going....they played soccer, basketball, climbed more trees, ran around and collected more rocks (we had quite a collection by the time we left), skateboarded, played on the playground with other kids....on and on and on they went until we made a campfire after grilling out some dinner and enjoyed some delicious s'mores! About 20 minutes after dark, this is how I found them:

Look how peaceful they are. I love them the most when they're sleeping! :)

Day three pretty much sucked! What I haven't mentioned yet is that we were so far out in the boonies that I had no cell service. I went 5 day without talking on my cell phone or texting anyone. 5 days! It was quite traumatic! Couple that with the massive rainstorm we had on Day Three and I was pretty much ready to climb the walls by 10am. We decided to "drive to town" which was 40 minutes away and get some pizza for lunch instead of staying in the cabin all day. That ate up a few hours at least. My poor little girl was so bored that she spent 2.5 hours working on a jigsaw puzzle. She has ADHD, so this is no easy task for her, but in a cabin with no phone and no cable that was about all we had to keep us going!

Thankfully, Day Four brought some better weather and the activity the kids had most been looking forward to: BOATING! We took a boat out for the afternoon and the kids LOVED it! They each got to drive (which was quite exciting for my thrill seeking son and very scary for my daughter). We stopped after an hour or so because it was cold out there on the lake and ventured up to The Cliffs Resort for a fantastic lunch (with wine...yeah)! Back to the boat after lunch and more cruising around the lake! Possum Kingdom is a small lake, but it is absolutely beautiful. The homes are magnificient and the landscape is breathtaking. I'm seriously considering looking at some property there!

We woke up on Day Five and it was time to pack up and go home. I had a blast and I know the kids did, too but I was certainly ready to sleep in my bed again. Camping is awesome, but my back is too old to do it for too long (and if you know me at all, I don't take that statement lightly). I missed my tempurpedic!

Maybe we'll do a cruise next year, but I really enjoyed my spending time outdoors with my babies for 4 days. They're amazing kids and it's easy to forget that when you get stuck in a daily routine. I've done a pretty good job with those two and they make me so proud!

Imagine what she's seen!!

The prettiest lady I know!

I spent the weekend with my entire in-law clan in Austin, TX to celebrate the 90th birthday of my kid's great-grandmother! 90!! It was amazing to see all her friends and family turn out to wish her well. There had to have been 100 people at her party!

I made a point of taking my 9-year-old daugher aside and discussing all the major things her Nanny has seen in her life. Two World Wars, the Depression, Kennedy, first trip to the moon, Vietnam, the evolution of the automobile, computers....the list goes on and on. I wanted my baby girl to know that people shouln't be dismissed because they are elderly. We should celebrate their wisdom, seek their guidance and appreciate the advice they offer. I love talking to the "old folks" about their memories and life experiences. One of my fondest memories is listening to my Grandma's (who is now deceased) stories about what she was doing when she heard that Pearl Harbor had been bombed by the Japanese. For the record, she was a newlywed, standing on a ladder, painting her new kitchen yellow.

Personally, I am proud to call Nanny my friend. She is an amazing lady....funny, strong, wise, and the only Grandma I have left. I would consider myself lucky to make it as far in life as she has. While she is suffering from dimentia and the pains that come with age, she is still a wonderfully viable woman. To see so many people turn out for her party was a testament to the life she's lead. I am privledged to be a part of her life!

Now, on the completely selfish side......my sista's-in-law decided to make a night of it in Austin after Nanny's party and head out to 6th Street for a serious Girls Night Out! Man, did we have a good time! We hit Maggie Mae's, listened to some great music, hung out with the band, and woke up with a huge hangover (but that's to be expected when the 3 of us are together)!! By the way, thanks Lynn for babysitting!

My sista's-in-law!

This pretty much sums up our night! The obligatory self-portrait gone awry!