How I feel about Valentine's Day this year.....

It's 5:00 somewhere, says the little boy....

I think I'm becoming more cynical as I age. Of course, maybe I'm just PMS-ing and in a shitty mood. Yeah, that's probably it!

My kids got home today after being gone for a week with the in-laws. They had a great time playing on Galveston Beach, meeting new friends and living in an RV (which for my 6 year old son is about as cool as you can possibly get) but at dinner tonight my son looks at Hubby's drink and says, "Is that a beer?"

Hubby: (ever the honest one) "No, it's a Jack & Coke."

Son: "Oh, well 'cause Grandaddy said that at 5:00 it's beer time, so I figured since we were having dinner it was after 5 and you should be drinking a beer. What's Jack & Coke?"

Hubby: "Well, it's like a beer, but it's not."

WHAT????

First of all, my 6 year old thinks that 5:00pm is beer time (which is fine if you're my age, but at 6 it seems a little disturbing).

Secondly, why the hell does Hubby need to drink a Jack & Coke at dinner? He hasn't been around the kids in almost two weeks, as he was gone before they left for the beach and we have them back for a few hours and he's ordering hard liquor for dinner? They're not that bad....

Thirdly, my 6 year old knows the term, "Jack & Coke" now.

I wonder if his 529 College Savings Plan will work at The Betty Ford Center?

Oh yeah, Happy Father's Day......

Dad's Day

Unless you've been living under a rock, you know that Sunday is Father's Day. I guess we're supposed to honor the men (who's sperm got lucky enough to find it's way to the egg) who worked and sacrificed to raise us.

Blech!

Can you tell I'm not very close to my sperm donor? Asshole and I haven't spoken in a really, really long time. Not that I have any pent-up anger about it or anything.

One of the last phone conversations we had was when I called him to tell him my brother's wife was in labor and delivery and very close to having their first child. I was excited to be an Auntie, but especially excited because she went into labor on my birthday. My nephew and I were going to be birthday buds, but only if she hurried up and squeezed him out before midnight. So, I did what any girl who's been constantly ignored by her father, but found an excuse to call in hopes he'd have some kind of recollection of my wonderfulness does.....call Daddy.

STUPID.

I was telling him my theory on having a birthday bud and he says to me, "what are you talking about?"

Me: "Uh, Dad....today is my birthday, too."

Him: "Oh."

That's it....no Happy Birthday, dear, wonderful daughter 'o mine.

So, to honor the Asshole that is my father, I present his Dad's Day Card for the world to read:

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Would someone please explain to me why it's easier for some folks to take family members for granted than people we've known for a short time? Don't give me that, "they're your family and know you'll love them no matter what" crap, either! I don't buy that for a second.


Seriously......why is it easier to be an asshole to someone you "love" than someone you you barely know? Do we try to look better to new people because we've accepted that the family member knows our flaws?


And, really if we have flaws shouldn't we try to work on them instead of embracing them? Doesn't Oprah or Maya Angelou or some freakin' 21st century guru always say, "when you know better, you do better?" Yeah, I call bull shit on that statement!


I need to go out and buy a punching bag today!

Update: I realized while getting ready for a business dinner that I've managed to lose a clothing size, so a punching bag will no longer be necessary (for today, anyway)!

2nd Update: NEVER bring your kids to a business dinner, even if the dinner is with your ex-brother-in-law and he insists!!

Monday, Monday....

Tomorrow is a really big day for me at work. I finally have the chance to confront someone who has completely betrayed my trust.....and I get to do it with all our employees present. In other words, this person can't wiggle out of the truth by telling different people different stories. I've been waiting for this moment all week!

I'm feeling like a Jedi.....ready for battle!!

I can not wait to find out how this person plans to win back the trust, respect and loyalty lost by their recent actions.

This is what has sucked me dry all last week and stolen my mojo. I hate it when my mojo is gone. I'm just not the same, but tomorrow is my chance to get it back.

Thank you, blogger friends for sending me some inspiration when I put the call out! I needed it! Hopefully tomorrow's meeting will help turn my attitude around. If not, and I end up in jail for assault....I'll be calling you, HOJ!

I'll keep you posted.

It wasn't like this in my day!

Not to sound like my mother, but times sure have changed. I found this on http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351171,00.html and as a mother of a 10-year-old girl, was very disturbed by it!

I purchased my first cell phone when I was 23 and thought I was the shiz nay with that bad boy (which now looks like a dinosaur compared to the cell phones we have now). And I remember my Dad having the old bag phone that was strictly for the car, but never in my wildest dreams did I think that kids would be talking on cell phones. This whole trend is ridiculous. My daughter has been begging for one for two years. There's no way in hell I'm getting my sweet, little chatter box a phone.....and not just because I'd be scared to death to open the bill every month, but if the new trend is for girls to send naked pics to potential suitors my poor gorgeous beauty is never going to get a phone!


This is what life would be like if my little one had her own cell phone!

I know, I know some kids actually need their phones so Mom knows when to pick them up from sports/after school activities, and that's totally understandable, but when kids start sending naked photos of themselves as a way of "flirting" somethings wrong.

What happened to cruising the mall and sneaking cigarettes in the loading dock? Can you imagine what our high school experience would have been like if we could have instantly communicated with our friends? Let me know in the comment section what you think would have been different if we had cell phones back in the day.....

Stuff like this makes me sick!

I stumbled across this photo of J. Lo today:

It was taken Saturday as she was leaving a hair salon in NYC (according to E! online).

She had twins on February 22nd. Now look at her! Gorgeous.....bitch!

This seriously S-U-X!!

This must be some kind of freak record: My little one is sick a-friggin'-gain. This time he's got a tummy virus. We were up all night with his head in the trash can. Poor little guy....nothing is worse than to see your baby throwing up.

UPDATE: It's dinner time and he seems to be feeling better. Let's hope this is over!!

Again? You've got to be kidding me???

Here we go AGAIN...I am sick! I swear this has to be the WORST cold season on record. My chest hurts, my ear hurts and I keep coughing up gross stuff. Ahhhhhhhhhh!!

Plumber butts!

FINALLY, the plumbers are here to replace my water heaters!!! It's been two days with no hot water.....! We had to run to Mom's last night to take showers. Hoping for hot water by tonight! Now, I just have to find time to paint my laundry room ceiling to cover up all the water damage.

Home ownership is such a joy!

Oh, and I'm getting sick....but I'm taking tons of airborne and zicam. I've got a date with Rick Springfield Saturday night and no amount of snot pouring out of my nose will keep me and my duct tape from seeing my 80's idol (OK, he was #2 after John Taylor, bass player for Duran Duran...and Simon LeBon....and George Michael...and Rob Lowe.....and C. Thomas Howell....and John Cusak...I was seriously boy-crazy)!

Update: I have hot water again!!! Yeah! I can shower again! I can wash dishes! Wait......

Looking up....just not at my laundry room ceiling!

After writing off yesterday with a good bottle of red, I realized I hadn't paid homage on my blog to one of my all-time-favorite "this day sucked-ass" remedies. I can not believe I've had a blog for over two weeks and haven't given out a big shout-out to TWO BUCK CHUCK!! It's only the. best. wine. ever!!! There is one minor problem: Two Buck Chuck (actual name: Charles Shaw) is only sold at Trader Joe's Market and there is no Trader Joe's in Texas!

Now, unfortunately I am down to (gulp) my last bottle! That's her picture above. Doesn't she look lonely? I even dressed her up a little because I was hoping that her finery would keep me from tearing into her when I have my next sucky day:

Doesn't she look gorgeous?!?! I'm not sure if the froo- froo will keep me away, but I'm hoping it works. It's going to be a while before I visit a town with a Trader Joe's to stock up, so I've got to keep her around for a really, really, really sucky day (and keep stock in other red's so I'm not tempted if I run out of everything else)!

Two Buck Chuck may be a "value" wine, but in my book her healing powers are invaluable! That's why I implore you to contact Trader Joe's and plead, cry, whine, make an obnoxious ass of yourself and generally beg for them to open up a store in the Dallas Fort Worth area! Click here to make your request! Do it for me....a lush who enjoys good, cheap wine!

Sick of Being Sick!

For the last three weeks one of my two kids has been sick. So far we've missed a total of 7 days of school between the two of them! Holy crap....it's like when they're home for summer vacation, but it's too cold to play outside and no one is agreeable.

Then on top of all that loveliness, my hot water heater burst today and leaked 50 gallons of water downstairs into my laundry room. What brainiac ever conceived putting a hot water tank upstairs and then only putting a pan that holds about 2 gallons underneath it? Not sure if we'll have to replace the ceiling in the laundry room, but we definitely need a new hot water heater.

I am so annoyed!